I started writing this post and deleted it all, and now I begin again. I want to say thank you for the kind words you've left lately, but I don't really know how - what would be the typed equivalent of a hug?
If this land to which I write were the real, solid earth, I would possibly bake some scones and invite you over for a cup of tea. We could even sit in the park in the sun and have a picnic, or maybe have a drink in my favourite pub in the world, crowded around the tiny tables sipping Yorkshire ale (or ginger beer, for those who are driving).
Sometimes I really wish this were the case. I can write anything I like in this space in the ether, and people respond with their thoughts, their comments, their kind words. I can write about heartbreak and sadness; words which I would never be able to express to those around me, words which are too hard to say outloud. Yet here I write it in all its honesty, and there is a response - someone is listening. I never started this blog for people to listen - I merely wanted a space to exercise my thoughts in written word, but some people do listen, and I often find myself referring to those people as friends. Not friends who I sit in the pub with or hurry out on a Saturday afternoon to drink coffee with, but friends in a different sphere, a different part of my life - different but utterly important.
How many of us truly speak our minds in the real world? Not only would it be overbearing to hear friends pouring out their thoughts in monologue all the time, but it would be impossible to articulate those thoughts quickly enough to say them aloud. Writing things allows us to consider exactly how we feel, exactly how we think, exactly what we want to say - it allows us to be completely honest to the 'listener', and to ourselves.
So, I'll say it again - thank you for the words you left me, and for your thoughts. I wrote because I had to, because writing makes sense of things that simply don't make sense. I think you know what I'm saying here, but right now I can't find exactly the words I need to say it. This little sphere where I write my thoughts and read the thoughts of others is sometimes the only place to go when I am lonely or down. Sometimes I just sit quietly and 'listen', but I'm here, sipping tea or wine or nasty cheapo hot chocolate with you and enjoying your company and friendship. Thanks for that, it means so much.