Sunday, 10 April 2011

Moments, VIII.

The house lit up by Friday evening sunshine, me singing to Bob Dylan, Daniel cooking his special veggie chilli. Our shoulders felt so much lighter, so relieved for a weekend all to ourselves.

Saturday alarms woke us up too soon - he set off to swim while I took myself for an early morning run. Cross country running in the morning sun, mind and body both effortlessly free - geese, endless blossoms, a stoat, and two goths enjoying a spring ramble. I felt better than I have in weeks; so alive, so full of relief for everything. Thirteen miles later I could have gone on, my joints crunched with gratitude as I warmed down in the street. I felt swept away with nausea and headache, something I still can't avoid, though I rather like this lasting physical reminder of my efforts.

Shading from the afternoon sun at an underground vintage fair; treating myself to a pretty top and a wonderfully-cut dress (oops). A G&T and a bowl of strawberries in the garden, catching up after what felt like weeks apart. Tipsy from the sun and the gin, holding on to Saturday night which always seems to last forever.

Finally a lazy morning in bed, with no excuse to get out into the day just yet. Potting plants in the garden - tomatoes and strawberries, mint, thyme and rosemary, lavendar by the back door to welcome us home every night. Digging, sweeping and raking in the sunshine, headscarf on but shoulders bare. After hard graft came our reward in the shape of sausage sandwiches, oozing with tomato sauce, eaten al fresco as we admired our efforts. Shirts blustered on the washing line while I baked wholemeal scones, radio singing out into the street. A pedicure and an Ovaltine, letting my heart ache through Automatic for the People, ready for another week of smiling through it all, hard work and lots of learning, another week further into this whirlwind.

Emotions are coming in waves and bumps. Today I am knocked back again after a good handful of better days. There has been a shift and we're all trying to get used to it, bumping unhelpfully off eachother just as much as we're supporting eachother. I feel overwhelmed by love, and overwhelmed by sadness; so painfully aware of the significance of everyone around me, yet unable to put into words exactly what it is I want to tell them.


  1. You write so beautifully.
    Congratulations on being published!
    Lisa x

  2. Yes I too want to say a big CONGRATULATIONS on being published! A wonderful achievement in and amongst so much else that's happening in your world!

    It sounds like you've had a wonderful weekend - and I speak from experience when I say that those moments of time are SO important to live - and you are extra lucky, as you have someone very special to share it with - the good times and the bad.

    You'll never get used to losing the person you've lost but in time, it gets easier to live with it.