February and March so far have been tough. Tough in that excruciating but necessary way that comes with making things happen and bringing dreams to life. There have been moments of despair; whole days of despair in fact. Things have gone wrong, and then gone wrong again, and again, and then again! But finally, I can sit here with my camomile tea and oil burner simmering on the counter, and I can say quite genuinely that I am relaxed for the first time in weeks. Things are moving forward in leaps and bounds, and I can't wait to share news and plans more publicly!
I've been working to some big deadlines, sitting on my stool at the counter writing frantically into my Sunday afternoons. I've checked and re-checked, read things over until it doesn't make sense anymore, stared at a computer screen until my eyes have dried up. For this reason in particular, blogging hasn't appealed to me lately. Deadlines have past and now I await my fate. But even then, inspired by folk who live their dreams despite it all, I have decided to grasp my fate for myself, at the expense of a lot of things.
I've been spending more time in the kitchen over the past couple of weeks, creating exciting and healthy meals and snacks for a lifestyle that has become dependant on thorough nourishment and sleep. Super-duper flapjacks, awesome pasta dinners, loads and loads of lentils (maybe a few too many - I'm on a break from lentils this week!); food is becoming an absolute joy all over again, and I must post about some of my discoveries soon!
I've been sleeping badly. Very badly. My body is stiff and sore, and lying down for hours at a time isn't working for me at the moment. There is nothing I need more than some solid sleeping.
I've been running more than I've ever been running before. I'm seriously enjoying some tough HIT-stylee speed training, and boundaries are being smashed all over the place. The hard work is paying off, with another PB under my belt at the wonderful Haweswater Half Marathon on Sunday. The miles flew past and I was surprised to find myself at mile 12; in a way I wasn't ready for mile 12 yet, and could have kept going for a while. Instead, I plugged my energy and got past that finish line in record (but not quite goal) time!
I've learned a lot over the past few weeks. I realize now that sometimes things aren't in your hands, and sometimes it's just tough. But also that it is possible to get where you want to be, you just have to be prepared to compromise. "The struggle that is not joyous is the wrong struggle" - Germaine Greer.