When you write a blog, it's easy to pick and choose parts of life; to make readers believe that the sun is always shining, that the days are always packed with creativity and adventure, and that life really is perfect on this side of Blogland. It goes without saying that the photos taken at the wrong angle, involving double chins, spots and bloatedness aren't published, and so I allow myself to appear at my best all of the time.
Well of course, this image that I am so easily able to present of myself and my life is very much one-sided. As honest as it is, it is not the whole story, and implying that it is would seem dishonest, a sort of air-brushing of myself, a denial of my world in its entirety, warts and all. (Actually I don't have any warts, but I do have slight bunions on both feet...urgh)
I don't think that many people read blogs out of curiosity for the banal, ugly, or unhappy parts of life, everyone has enough of that in their own lives to not want to bother with it too deeply elsewhere. But that being said, I admire people who are honest in their writing, feeling honesty in what I read is paramount to my reading it, and I feel that by denying the glum, dark and difficult part of myself would be dishonest and thus hypocritical.
When I was young, I felt that I was required to be happy, healthy and interested in life all of the time. I don't know where this came from; when I confessed to my Mum that I used to be unable to admit feeling ill to my childminder as a child, she actually cried - it certainly wasn't an expectation stemming from her. Even now, I struggle to admit to those who aren't closest to me that I'm any less than 'great, thanks!', making for large releases of unhappiness when I finally am able to tell someone that actually, everything is simply a mess.
So, I intend to write a bit more about the other side of myself every now and then. Partly because I think I'd find it helpful to write, partly because I don't want to paint myself as an unexhaustively joyful person all of the time, and mostly because this blog is about me and my life, and whether people read it or not, it is my little account of myself, and I enjoy looking back over old posts and seeing how I interpreted certain things at certain times; what might be one thing to be one day can be something else a few weeks later, and these interpretations are helpful when it comes to dealing with some aspects of life.
A bit of my less-sunshiney self; themes which could be important to many people, involve body-image and lack thereof, some chronic stomach problems, relationships gone mad and general teenager agony. All of these things come up regularly in my general life, and so they feel relevant to write about on here. Maybe I'll even include some unflattering photos to keep up the theme of realism ;-)