It happens to everyone. A gorgeous pair of trousers, so definitely in your size, simply will not pull up around your thighs despite your best efforts to twist and turn into the right position. Cue a feeling of absolute self-despair, of the world crashing down around you because that one pair of trousers, one pair next to 20 other pairs that fit just fine, will not pull up. Cue a sudden will to change, to do 50 lunges every night and eat only vegetable soup for lunch.
Twenty minutes later that feeling is gone, and will only return when the next pair of trousers in your size won't squeeze around your legs. The irrational burst of self-loathing may be sharp, but it doesn't last beyond the next sweet temptation. Ah well.
Such a thing happened to me on Monday, and I was left in a state of absolute disgust at my pathetic reaction to the simple fact that I am not made of elastic. Why does it seem to be the human standard to measure ourselves up against measurements and averages? I comfort myself with the feeling that I am not the only one. We all feel this way sometimes, and that's ok.
Anyway, I digress. This shallow despair lead me to experience one of those amazing epiphany-type moments, when the world falls into place and you think 'Ah! I'll be fine!'. Walking back home along the river after a relaxed afternoon involving a head massage, hair cut and the biggest hot chocolate of my life (my legs were probably filled with sweet hot milk, that's all), I was struck by the beauty of the world. The evening was falling, to the point where the twilight distorts the light and dark, and so the sunrise in the distance was the only thing I could see clearly. It was reflected on the river, which was rippling yet still as clear and serene as glass. The birds were singing a loud and particularly beautiful chorus, and the air smelt sweet, hinting that spring is on the way.
I had to stop and take in the moment. I had to stand and look, close my eyes and listen. And then, I realized that I am just a fragment of this world, that the size of my trousers creates no resonance anywhere, and matters not in any way. The world is so much bigger than me, I came and I will go. Life is so big and so wonderous, and for now at least, the size of my trousers is simply nothing.
I hope that made sense. What a fuss we make over the small stuff.
here, here *applauds* (ahem, whilst stuffing a large piece of cake into her mouth). I love those moments when you are filled with a sudden rush of the world around you.
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