I am a moping machine right now.
I have ticked all of the moping cliché boxes: no appetite, box of chocolates, weepy music, rubbish TV, pyjamas.
It could be my hormones turning themselves inside out somewhere inside me. Or it could be the lack of Daniel in my house, and the prospect of such a situation for a whole weekend.
I have asked myself more than once tonight where my "independent woman" has got to; either she has nipped to get us a bottle of wine, or she simply fails to exist anymore, now I have little need for her in my life.
I've made 'being at home alone' plans for the weekend - a long bike ride tomorrow, baking, sleeping, seeing friends. I was actually looking forward to some time to myself, without the excitement of togetherness that tends to hurry our weekends away before we've really had time to notice them. But I already feel as if I'm hurrying the weekend away, even without Daniel, longing to sit next to him at breakfast time tomorrow and make normal plans for a normal Saturday. The house is too big and too quiet. The chocolates aren't even as tasty when I don't have to share them.
Fill in the Blanks Friday - mope-avoidance tactics.
1. What I love most about my home is, to echo Lauren, the man I share it with. But I also love the way it has been created by us, and reflects us both as individuals and as a couple. The cabinet that we spent hours struggling to build one snowy Sunday afternoon, the bench that used to belong in my Great Grandparents' pub, Daniel's shark mug that we use as a toothbrush holder. All of this is us, and living in it put me exactly where I want to be.
2. I'm excited because I'm going out on my bike tomorrow (weather-permitting), but also because I feel like I'm on the very edge of a big adventure, with no idea what it'll hold. I've had this feeling for a while, and I can't explain it, but a permanent excitement resides somewhere between my stomach and my chest these days.
3. My perfect method for blowing off steam when I'm frustrated is to chop (watch out!)! I find that chopping vegetables is a sure-fire way to feel better about the world and everyone in it. Interestingly, running does not help me blow off steam - it just keeps it simmering in an uncomfortable way. Chopping or walking with purpose are my go-to frustration-beaters.
4. Currently I am craving something, but I have no idea what it is. I've tried chocolate, tea and hot chocolate but nothing is hitting the right button. Instead, I plan to head up to bed very soon and start a-fresh tomorrow, craving-free and ready for a good day.
5. The thing I love most about my Mum is the way that we laugh together and no one else understands why we might be laughing - we don't always 'get' each other, but when we do our 'crazy laughing thing' we're completely on the same level. I love her by default - I can't really pick one single thing to love the most!
6. If I was going to write a book about my life, the title would be 'The Leaves'. Leaves would be a running metaphor throughout the book, representing the bursting vibrancy yet inevitable delicacy of life, and the narrative would feature long streams of consciousness about the dynamicy of human nature. (A parallel of 'The Waves', which I am loving by the way)
7. If I were to eat one thing for the rest of eternity it would be porridge, without a doubt. What a glorious thought!