Friday, 16 July 2010

Today I Realized...

...that actually I am not Superwoman.

There are some limitations, and I've met them!

This will sound like a sob-story, but it's not, I promise.

Every day this week, I've been out of bed before 6:30. One morning I was out running at 6:30. I've worked a 9-hour day four times in five days (but each of these days I've had amazing packed lunches: feta & strawberry salad, greek salad, sugarsnap cous cous, peanut butter & apple on pumpkin crackers. YUM.), and the busyness is having disasterous effects on my body. I'm averaging about 5.5 hours sleep per night (this is simply not enough for me; I'm an 8-hour lady!), and the stress of this is causing my stomach troubles to flare up to an extend which I have not encountered in years. Last night I lay awake for hours, pain splitting through my forehead and my stomach burning angrily.

So, this morning, I thought "this is it, this is where I have to stop"; my Friday 10k did not seem possible - on Wednesday I returned from an awful run with such bad stomach ache that I curled up on the floor and listened to the thunderstorm outside for ages in my sweaty running gear: totally demoralising. Eventually, I made a compromise and decided to do 3 miles of interval training followed by my favourite yoga routine. I hate intervals, in fact I haven't done any since before I injured my knee; I run slowly, but happily! It's incredibly windy outside for some reason, and though my body was sprinting, the wind was pushing me back - it was particularly hellish, and I was definitely not enjoying myself. I crossed the bridge, and thought forget this; I turned left instead of right, towards the open countryside of my favourite 10km route. I ran and I ran, faster than usual and much more carefree. The wind was blustering me about, but it was fun rather than uncomfortable. I jumped over fallen branches, dodged the tufty grass footpaths that have appeared since I last ran on this path, and felt totally in my element. Rather than training as a means to an end (ie. becoming a better runner and keeping up my fitness in time for the race in 2 weeks' time), I was running away from all of my ends for a little while, leaving it all behind me and finding some freedom from a routine which is taking over all of me. I don't know where the energy came from, but I haven't enjoyed running that much for so long - my running had just become a way to move my body, to do something different from writing my dissertation and working. Today I remembered why I love running so much. I must have done around 12km, and it was fuelled by pure enjoyment. The rest of the day I've been riding on that energy; long may it last!

However, I'm learning more about my limits, and this weekend I intend to respect those limits completely. I'm going to sleep - it's a weekend for sleeping. I'm going to bake - I need treats and comfort and warmth, found only in home baking. I'm going to spend quality time with my taller half, talking about important future events, reading, laughing, drinking and watching films. Maybe I'll visit my favourite coffee shop, maybe I'll take some photos. But I'm looking forward to wearing my most comfortable pyjama bottoms and my biggest t-shirt and forgetting that there's a world outside. Just for 2 days.

And with a very long exhale breath, I begin the weekend in the traditional manner - Fill In The Blanks!

1. A very nostalgic place that reminds me of being a kid is the Lake Disctrict. We spent every family holiday there for 15 years, and every year we probably did the exact same things - but who can tire of mini golf, forest trails, bike rides and rowing to deserted islands pretending you're the Famous Five?!

2. If someone really wants to show me how much they love me they would drink tea with me and talk until there's nothing left to discuss. Or let me cook for them and make sure they eat it all and have second helpings!

3. Lately I've been wondering a lot about
whether I'll find a job and be able to stay here in York. I got rejected for a job today and I'm waiting anxiously for news a handful of other jobs.

4. When it comes to saving money I am a natural, as I don't spend anything!.

5. I'd prefer waking up early over staying up late any day!


6. I wish I knew how to make my Mum's lasagne. So good, and I miss it as I'm never at home! Though if I could make it, it just wouldn't be as special! .

7. I'm just waiting for the perfect house and job to appear. Please?! .

4 comments:

  1. I'd love to drink tea and talk! :-(
    But you'll get an email soon!
    Liebe Grüße, Annika

    ReplyDelete
  2. Hey I'm new to this blogging thing, I loved reading your blog. I hope you will follow me and I will follow you!

    http://basicallyformyself.blogspot.com

    Thanks, Nicole Mariana

    ReplyDelete
  3. Good luck on getting a perfect house and job :)

    Oh and hi there fellow linguistics student, bookworm, tea addict, and daydreamer :) Made me smile to see this in your "about me section" :)

    Bloghopping from FITBF, have a nice weekend <3

    ReplyDelete
  4. Oh, I can so relate to this feeling. So, so much! And I know what you mean that it's not a sob story - it's a state of mind we all end up in sometimes, and it's so good to acknowledge it and to realise what needs doing. Burn out isnt a good direction to go in!! So glad that you came here to write about it. I hope you're having a peaceful, rejuvenating weekend with lots of you-time. Oh, and your lunches sound amaaaazing!!

    ReplyDelete